She’s a great and honest writer, and like any good hero, comes back from her journey with a boon for us all.
Here are the best of Konnikova’s poker-inspired epiphanies about how to study and master the self:
1. Pay Attention
“In an age of omnipresent distraction, poker reminds us just how critical close observation and presence are to achievement and success. How important it is to immerse yourself and to learn new things, truly. As Erik told me that first day, lesson one: pay attention. This book isn’t about how to play poker. It’s about how to play the world.”
At the high-stakes poker table, you can literally lose millions by scrolling your twitter feed instead of reading other players. I think the same may be true over a life-time of earnings (unless you’re using Twitter to pay attention to the people at the tables you’d like to join).
“From my favorite poet, W.H. Auden: ‘Choice of attention — to pay attention to this and ignore that — is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer. In both cases man is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences.’”
In any case, be present to the game. Sit in the hands where you fold early, just to watch and appreciate the players and the play. Pay attention.
2. Less Certainty, More Curiosity
Poker is a game of betting on uncertainty. And this idea of operationalizing uncertainty is probably my favorite lesson.
“For Erik, the answer is simple: there is no answer. It’s a constant process of inquiry.”
When you think you know, you’re in danger. It’s far safer to be aggressively aware of what you don’t know.
Here again, the beginners mind, the sense of being an outsider, the sense of relaxed exploration of the field comes in so handy: you can stay curious.
“If you’re skeptical of any prescriptive advice to begin with, if ‘less certainty, more inquiry’ is your guiding light, not only will you listen; you will adjust. You will grow. And if that’s not self-awareness and self-discipline, I don’t know what is.”
3. Find the Why, Find the Story
Work to understand your own why, as you work to understand why others do what they do.
“‘What you need to know first and most important of all is that poker is storytelling,’ [Phil Galfond] says. It’s a narrative puzzle. Your job is to put together the pieces.”
The better you understand why you do things, the better you understand the story behind your decisions. The better you understand the narrative you’re telling yourself, the closer you are to making good decisions for the right reasons.
“Identifying motivation is key if I’m ever to become anything other than a merely competent player. Always ask why: Why is someone acting this way? Why am I acting this way? Find the why and you find the key to winning.”
Again, you can learn this from questioning others just as you question yourself.
4. Repurpose Failure
You are going to fail a lot. In fact, if you’re going to make a career out of it, there’s an “Art of Losing.” As Seidel puts it:
“It’s not about winning or losing, that’s chance. It’s about thinking — the process.”
It takes a lot of failure to win. In many games, you simply do not have the cards to make it very deep in the pool of players.
Failure, however, always presents opportunity for growth, to practice paying attention to what you know and don’t know about the decisions you made, and why you made them.
For Erik, “there’s a larger skill at play: his absolute lack of ego. His willingness to be objective about himself and his own level of play. … ‘When things go wrong, other people see it as unfairness that’s always surrounding them,’ he tells me. They take it personally….It’s like the great Kipling quote: ‘If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same…’”
You also need to “confront the wrongness of your intuitions if you are to succeed.” Seidel one more time:
“Part of what I get out of a game is being confronted with reality in a way that is not accommodating to my incorrect preconceptions.”
More contact with reality means more failure, especially where “the best games are the ones that challenge our misperceptions, rather than pandering to them.” But more contact with reality also means more of the possibility of real winnings.
5. Find your Mentors
Other people have been down the path you’re on. They know where the gates are, and how to walk through them.
“Eric has been clear from the beginning: certain markers have to be met before I can move forward…if I am to work with him, I can’t skip steps.” (51).
Seidel helps Konnikova frame her study in such a generative light — it was Seidel’s perspective, and his ability to share his experience that helped Konnikova understand what to do, what to avoid to accelerate her growth. This is huge. Mentors can help us from wasting time, energy, and money.
Seidel’s poker strategy also shows Konnikova a means to navigate life,
“an eminently flexible system rooted in deep patience and observation before anything else — then a willingness to do whatever it takes, given the circumstances, to emerge victorious.”
Mentors can also give you new metaphors to live by. Konnikova sees Seidel as a jazz-player, listening so well to the give and take of the table. He’s not against players — he’s with them. He’s enjoying the beauty of the game.
This works very well for him…. and as the closing lines of the book suggest, works well for Konnikova as well. The student becomes the teacher, and they walk off into the sunset marveling at the beauty of the game.
6. Take Care of Yourself
If you’re going to get really good, you have to do what you’re doing sustainably. This means you’ve got to pay attention to your whole system, and eat, rest, and tend to your hearth and home.
Konnikova first professional push left her imbalanced and un-well … and this physical and emotional malaise nearly derailed her whole enterprise. When she returned after taking a break, she performed much better.
